Finding Safety within
A Journey to Self Soothing
In our fast paced society, stress comes at us at unprecedented rates. We are bombarded with a barrage of external pressures, self ascribed internal pressures, uncertainties, deadlines, meetings, traffic, delays, and quick fix dopamine hits. Living like this leaves our nervous system in constant activation, not quite knowing when one “threat” ends and the next begins. This leaves us feeling disconnected, ungrounded, and dysregulated more often than not.
Despite these challenges, we possess an innate ability to access a sense of inner safety. This ability is not a luxury but a necessity and is available to all of us. We are all capable of self soothing, even in the midst of our triggers, stressful days, and busy lives. All we have to do is consciously connect to it and keep that connection close and accessible.
Understanding Our Need for Safety
Humans are wired for safety and connection. In today’s society we spend disproportionate amounts of time out of connection, in isolation, dysregulated, staring at screens, and moving through life at a rapid pace. When we do find moments of calm, we enter the ventral vagal state of our nervous system. In this state we feel secure, connected, confident, and at peace. We move out of fight/flight/freeze/fawn and into rest, digest, healing, and recovery.
Many of us look outside of ourselves to find safety, seeking it instead in others, in achievements, or by trying to control our environment. Grasping around us for what is only found within. While co-regulation is also a vital part of our need for connection, self regulation helps us develop a deep resilience and trust in ourselves, knowing that even when things are hard, safety always lies within. This resilience, trust, and safety, are foundational in our ability to move through old patterns and step into real growth.
The Power of Personal Totems
Throughout history, many cultures have long understood the power of using symbols as a way to shift our inner state. In this exercise, a totem- a personal symbol of safety and power- can serve as a direct pathway to your ventral vagal state. Using an already existing memory of a time you felt safe, we will find a totem from within the memory. This totem becomes a mental tool that will help regulate your nervous system and help keep you present. It is a direct landline to yourself and will help you cultivate inner resiliency, trust, confidence, and power.
As the totem comes from your own memory and inner world, it is a sign of your own inner wisdom and strength. Your healing always begins with you.
Your totem will be some object that anchors you to a time when you felt completely safe, connected, and held. This might be:
- A wise inner elder who embodies unconditional acceptance
- A protective spirit animal that represents strength and connection
- A peaceful place in nature
- A symbol of divine protection that resonates with your beliefs
-An object from a specific room, house, or location that anchors you to the memory
Guided Journey to Find Your Safety Totem
Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. Settle into a comfortable position, allowing your body to be supported.
Cultivating Your Inner Strength
The power of this practice lies in its inner sourcing. Your memory, your safety, and your totem are unique to you, emerging from your own lived experience. Regular connection with your inner safety and your totem through meditation strengthens your neural pathways of safety, and fortifies your resilience.
Practice connecting with your totem during calm moments, so it becomes a familiar friend and more easily accessible to you during moments of dysregulation. Ways to enhance your connection with your totem include:
-Creating art that is inspired by the memory or by the totem itself
- Journaling about the memory, the safety totem, and your experiences with the meditation and the totem
-Creating a physical representation of your totem that you can bring along with you
-Creating space in your daily practice to connect with your totem
Building a reliable foundation and deep knowing that safety resides within you allows you access to more of your inner safety and resilience. The more you cultivate this peace and presence within yourself, the more you are able to show up in life’s difficult moments with that same presence and resilience. Here you don't have to bypass or stuff away your emotions and pretend that the hard things aren’t hard, you are offering yourself a landing pad of inner safety.
The Journey Continues
Finding your inner safety is a journey of self-discovery and involves layers of nervous system regulation. Be patient with yourself throughout the process, knowing that each time you connect with your inner source of safety, you strengthen your capacity for self-regulation, presence, and resilience. If it feels like too much to carry, remember you never have to heal alone.
In a world that often feels chaotic and uncertain, your ability to access inner safety becomes a life changing gift – not just to yourself, but a gift that is also given to that same chaotic and uncertain world.
