Shed your shame
RECLAIM YOUR WILD ESSENCE
Shame. The wolf in sheep’s clothes. The monster with so many heads. Heat on high and boiling over, like someone added too much to the pot. A disaster, a mess, an unraveled spool of yarn. A balloon when the string is let go. Shame, the beast that roars deep inside of my belly when I feel like I am getting it all wrong, when I feel like I AM wrong. A belly full of fire, recording the wreckage on a spreadsheet, easy to access for rereading. I know shame. I see shame all around me. It is a liar.
What is Shame?
According to Brene Brown, the leading expert on shame, shame is: The intensely painful feeling or experience that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. “I am bad.” “I am a mess.” The focus is on the self, not the . The result is that we feel alone.
Shame is a tool that is regularly used by people to control children, or to fit adults into a tidy little societally accepted box. It presents itself as the guardian of our safety, the keeper of social bonds, the all knowing voice of restraint, all while feeding us painful messages. "If you stay small, you'll stay safe." It promises, "If you hide these parts of yourself, people will accept you." When we receive these messages and feelings in our childhood, they become the truth in our mind, and we store that perceived truth in our body. Shame leaves a painful imprint on everyone it touches.
This internalized shame imprint often originates from early experiences where we learned to believe that certain parts of ourselves were unacceptable. Maybe it was expressing anger, showing vulnerability, or simply having needs and taking up space. Over time, these lessons become deeply embedded in our nervous system, creating patterns that feel like truth but are actually protection pathways that we develop in response to past hurts. Buried under the lies that shame tells us, under all of the shoulds and shouldn'ts, lives our true essence, waiting to be released.
The Hidden Cost of Shame
Though shame is a presence that appears as a moral compass, staying in the stories that shame tells can be devastating:
It keeps us from reaching out when we need support
It prevents us from showing up authentically in relationships
It creates a cycle of self-judgment that blocks our creativity and expression
It keeps us trapped in patterns of disconnection, isolation, and self sabotage
It silences our inner voice, restricts our freedom, and blocks us from intimacy
Shame convinces us that we're alone in our experiences - that we're flawed in ways others would neither accept or understand. We may then see these fears unfold as we withdraw or act out to protect ourselves from the very connection we so deeply desire.
The Path Forward: From Shame to Connection
The antidote to shame isn't trying harder to be "good enough." Instead, healing comes through:
Embodied Awareness
Learning to recognize shame's physical pathways in your body - the tightness in your chest, the restriction or slump in your shoulders, the desire to disappear. This awareness is the first step in choosing a different response.
Radical Self-Compassion
Meeting yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a dear friend. This isn't about excusing harmful behavior, but about recognizing your fundamental worthiness as a human being, regardless of past actions or current struggles.
Vulnerability
Sharing your story takes courage. Looking into the darkness of shame, takes courage. When we are willing to face the dark and scary places inside of us, space for healing opens. When we bring shame into the light through vulnerability, it begins to lose its power. Your body holds a deep truth beyond shame’s imprint. Once shame begins to lose its power, you can hear and feel this truth and begin to follow your true inner yes.
How Somatic Intimacy Coaching Can Help
This journey of transformation isn't meant to be walked alone. Connection and co-regulation are integral parts of the healing journey. As a skilled somatic intimacy coach, I can:
Help you identify and release shame patterns held in your body
Guide you in developing new pathways for connection
Support you in practicing vulnerable communication in a safe container
Teach you tools for maintaining boundaries while opening to intimacy
Explore co-regulation and resiliency, and the ways you can find neutral when shame appears
Through this work, you can learn to:
Trust your body's wisdom
Express your needs and desires clearly
Create relationships based on honesty and authentic connection rather than fear
Build a community that is aligned with your true yes
Your Invitation to Transform
Shame thrives in isolation, but it cannot survive in connection. Every step you take toward authentic expression and vulnerable connection is an act of reclamation and revolt against shame's power in your life.
Facing your shame can feel overwhelming or scary, but you don't have to walk this path alone. As a somatic intimacy coach, I can provide the support, guidance, and safe container needed to transform your relationship with shame and support you as you open to deeper connection.
Are you ready to begin this journey? To move from shame's constriction into the expansive possibility of authentic connection? Your first step is simply reaching out for a consultation call.
Remember: You are not your shame. You are worthy of connection, exactly as you are.
